I Was A Stray Once
This weekend I had the pleasure of going to spend time at Camp Allen . I love that place. The cabins are nestled in the woods on the lake. They have a porch with chairs for you to sit and watch the sun rise and set on the lake. Because this is a private facility and because it is not anywhere close to a residential area it is the last place you would expect to see a stray dog. This morning though, there was a stray dog show up. He was scared, hungry and very dirty. I spoke to him and he ran away. Later, while we were eating on the porch, he showed up again. We started to throw little bites of bread to him and he was very happy to gobble them up. I could not stand it, I wanted to pet him so bad but he was way to scared to let me get close. I went to the bottom step and started throwing the little bites of bread each time making each piece a little closer than the piece before. He had to choose to take a step closer or to run away because of his fear of people. The last two bites, I set on the step next to me, and he very cautiously came and ate them watching me the whole time. If I flinched he would jump back, watch and then slowly move in again. This was the beginning of a relationship with this little guy. I took off for a walk in the woods and he followed, at first at a safe distance and as the time passed, he would get closer and closer till when I came back and sat at the picnic table, he was daring to get close enough to sniff my legs and put his nose in my lap. It was so sweet. I started asking God, what is the message you have for me in this dog?
As I thought about it, I started thinking that the same way that I have slowly thrown little bites of bread out to this dog so the Lord has slowly thrown little bites to me. I was a stray, looking for all sorts of ways to find the food to nourish my soul, looking for safety and security in isolation and fear and anger, looking for peace through addictions and escape.
Then the Lord started calling in little ways like the Psalm says Psalm 34:8 O taste and see that the Lord [our God] is good! Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man who trusts and takes refuge in Him. He threw little bites of bread that slowly pulled me into his presence and there, I found that the bread was sweet and the peace was real. When I was first saved, to experience the peace and safety of the Lord was a mysterious thing I thought only possible for those who served the Lord. I thought they had that ability because they were good enough and they had something special that I could never have. I thought I would never be good enough for him to listen to me when I prayed and for him to help me with my problems and my life. I am so thankful, He knows my every thought, and He continually put me in the right place at the right time for the right person to throw me one more little bite of sweat bread and it would give me a little more hope, a little more faith, a little more of the truth. He threw me just one little precious nugget at a time to keep me following Jesus, with hope and expectation that I would get one more little bite of bread to nourish my soul. You see, If I would have taken that dog a bowl full of food and set it out there and walked away, the dog would have eaten and run away. There would have never been a chance for a relationship to develop. If God would have given me a full dose of bread, I would have eaten until I was full and run off into my woods again never being able to develop that sweet relationship that gives freedom. If I would have tried to force myself on the dog, I would have scared him away or gotten bit in the process of trying to develop a relationship with him. If when Pastor Alan preached the message that spoke to my heart and drew me to say Yes, I want Jesus, in a manner that was forceful telling me I had to take the bread that he was feeding to me, I would have run away never to return and would have lost that chance to have hope in my life. If the teachers that I have learned from, ever tried to force the message that God gave them to give to me, in a way where I was backed in a corner with a choice to take it or else, the possibilities are that they would have been bitten and I would have run away again. Instead, God has used these teachers to give me one little bite at a time, in such a sweet and loving way, always accepting me and loving me even when I was dirty, scared, and broken like this little dog.
As I think about how I felt so worthless, so incapable of being accepted and loved, how I felt so unworthy of Gods love, I remember the scripture where the woman wanted Jesus to heal her child Matthew 15:26-28 (New King James Version)26 But He answered and said, “It is not good to take the children’s bread and throw it to the little dogs.” 27 And she said, “Yes, Lord, yet even the little dogs eat the crumbs which fall from their masters’ table.” 28 Then Jesus answered and said to her, “O woman, great is your faith! Let it be to you as you desire.” And her daughter was healed from that very hour.
I am so comforted by this scripture because even though Jesus was calling her a dog, He was moved to help her because of one thing, she was willing to take the crumbs that were dropped from the table and she believed that just getting the crumbs were enough to bring her the deliverance that she was needing. Her faith in His ability was enough to save her. He was so moved by her faith that He told her LET IT BE AS YOU DESIRE. She not only got to receive the miracle of healing for her daughter but she was able to receive what her heart desired, a crumb from the masters table that told her, even if she was a dog, she was accepted by her master and a crumb from Him was more than enough.
Today, I pray that if you have not found the sweet taste of the bread of Jesus, that you would cry out to him and ask Him to come into your life and let you taste the sweetness of the bread of life. If you have accepted and tasted the sweet bread, I pray that you will continue to seek not only the little bites of bread that He is throwing to you but also to seek the wonderful relationship that waits for you as you slowly draw closer and closer and that you will one day, trust him enough to lay your head in His lap just as this dog eventually laid his head in my lap. If you are still in a place where you feel totally unworthy of His love, His blessings, His peace and His presence in your life like I once felt, I pray that you just keep taking one more step forward and know that the more time you spend with him, the more those feelings will fall away and the more you will begin to feel like you do belong and that you do not have to be good enough to be loved and accepted, you just have to accept Jesus who was good enough for all of us! If you are one who feeds the bread, I pray that God will bless you with the right pieces of bread to throw and that He will help you to keep the pieces big enough to satisfy the hunger pains but not so much that there would be no need for more.
I am so thankful to be able to look at a stray dog and see how God loved me so much. I am so thankful that when I was so scared and so lost that He wanted so much to touch me that He threw me on little bite at a time in such a loving way where I wanted more and more. I am so thankful that through the bread, I was able to draw close enough to begin to learn to trust and believe and have hope that Jesus could truly wash my sins away and lead to me a place of peace and quiet rest in Him. I am so thankful that as life happens and I get scared and want to run again, He does not flinch but tells me just believe that the crumbs I am feeding you are more than enough.
Blessings to you my friend,
Linda
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